If Donald Trump was a HAM Radio Operator: TR1UMP [satire]

Make Ham Radio Great Again

If you vote for me, I will get my experts – SPE experts – the best experts you’ve ever seen, to appraise all radios. These experts will then set prices, tremendous prices, prices so high no illegal immigrant will ever be able to afford them, no matter what the condition of the radio.

Then, to make sure that no copy cat knock off radios enter our borders, I’ll build a wall. It will be the best wall you’ve ever seen. It will be such a fantastic wall, that the hams over in China will say now THAT is a GREAT WALL.

Now my experts are so good, I can’t even name them. They’re not even allowed to have names. Its all about national security. If you don’t tell 1S1S their names, 1S1S can’t put them on the hit list. We use handles. Its very technical, you wouldn’t understand. No person in 1S1S has ever heard of a handle, or has handled a woman.

What about my daughter though guys? Isn’t she as good looking as a Collins KWM-2A? Isn’t she sexy. Damn she is sexy, just like Collins radios. Wow, imagine if someone offered a low price for my daughter. I’d have them deported, jailed, and killed and banned from the DXCC Program. Same with my Collins. Don’t offer me a low price for my Collins or my daughter.

I have the best CW operators. CW Operators so good, you won’t even know they’ve logged someone – when they’ve logged someone, that person keeps calling until they die of old age. Amazing CW operators.

Now don’t get me started on Hillary. If Hillary was any good, she would have built a wall 30 years ago. Radio Manufacturing would have stayed in America. We’d have no problem with dirty FT-101Es crossing the borders and transmitting here illegally.

But she isn’t any good. She couldn’t even build a crystal set. IF she built a crystal set, the coils would be all crooked. We’d call her crooked Hillary down at the club. But we wouldn’t let her in the club. Hillary is a woman. I love women – check out my wife Melania, S53YL. Melania can QSO for hours. Shes an amazing QSOer. I love women.

Look at these hands. These are large hands. You want a president with large hands. A president with large hands can send code all day. And you know what you need to send code all day?

A collins radio, and a 30S1. Look at the 30S1. Thats a big linear. Do you know why its a big linear? Because its made in America. When you make radios in America, you don’t need to put them on boats. Experts have assured me that without boats, the radios and linears can be bigger.

And what you heard on AM Phone the other day – that was radio room talk. But just think of that QRM. Did you hear the QRM? How can we talk with that QRM.

My experts will fix the QRM. We’re going to build linears so big, so powerful, that their will be no QRM. You cant even imagine the linears we’re going to build. We’re going to build linears with 3-500ZGs driving 3CX5000s driving 8974s. Look at the EIMAC 8974 / X-2159 on my website. 1S1S doesn’t have 8974 linears.

We’re going to use these linears to DX all over the world. No 1S1S station will be safe. We’re going to work all the DX, and there will be no DX left for anyone else. It will be the greatest decade of DXing the world has ever seen. In fact, we will work so much DX that China won’t even be able to hear DX. You know why? Because there won’t be any DX left. We’re bringing DX back to America.

And we’re going to fix the sunspots.

Thank you.

Disclaimer: This is satire, not politics. Unlike Russia, I’m not trying to influence your vote. The humor is derived from talking about radios as an election issue, not the merits of any political party. If anyone doesn’t find this is funny, I apologize for my poor Australian taste in humor, and will respect if you won’t do me the honor of a QSO.

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